Sometimes when I’m suffering from bouts of dyspnea, I’ll divert my attention by writing about it …. or I should say… bitching about it. Nine out of ten times, I’ll never actually post/publish these rantings, because by the time Ive written them , I’ve already begun to feel little better and they somehow don’t seem as relevant anymore.
Below, is the post I was working on just a few hours before I ended up in the hospital last week. I had no idea at the time, that my symptoms would escalate to the point where I’d need emergent care. Kinda weird reading it now:
Post title ” A matter of timing”
No matter what I do, no matter how well I take care of myself, the reoccurring theme seems to be…Breath good for a few weeks–Breath bad for a few weeks ! Cycle on, cycle off.
It’s like a I have a built in “breathing disruption” chip that’s programmed to trigger on and off every few weeks.
Well, after almost a full month of easy breathing, I’m getting increasingly more short of breath , and it appears that my “good breathing”cycle is finally over. I’ve actually gone way past that point now , and I’m beginning to titter on that proverbial slippery slope.
The question now is, do I let myself fall into the hands of the authorities, or do I hang on a little longer and hope for the best? If I turn myself in now, maybe I’ll get a lighter sentence. If I lay low , maybe I’ll make things worse for myself. I don’t know what to do.
Sounds crazy huh? , but I relive this same scenario about every 3 weeks like clockwork. I ‘m constantly cycling back and forth between good breathing periods and bad breathing periods….The only variable is how bad my breathing will get during the “bad breathing” periods.
If my theory holds true and my calculations are correct, then I should be back in a ” good breathing” pattern in about three weeks. The only problem , is that I’m supposed to be walking a marathon in 3 weeks…..That’s cutting it awfully close!
The ultimate cruelty of this disease, is that my “bad breathing” cycle might prevent me from attaining my goal of walking the Portland marathon, which my “good breathing” cycle allowed me to prepare for in the first place .
Less then 10 days till the marathon, and I still don’t know if I’ll be able to do it. I hope my 3 week theory is correct.