Tired and Angry at Asthma,
I’m tired of being stoic and putting up a strong happy front, when on the inside I’m screaming.
I’m angry because I have a type of asthma that is uncontrollable and not well understood.
I’m tired of feeling like a fish out of water all the time.
I’m angry that no matter how well I take care of myself and avoid triggers, I’m constantly sick.
I’m tired of spending a full hour or more everyday taking neb treatments, when I could be doing something more productive.
I’m angry that I can’t cry when I’m sad, yell when I’m mad or laugh when I’m happy, because doing so can throw me into bronchospasm.
I’m tired of stressing out over whether my medical insurance will cover my treatments, or if I’ll end up in the streets penniless.
I’m angry because I have to take potent medications that make me crazy and often cause more harm that good.
I’m tired of waking up with a tube shoved down my throat and a machine breathing for me.
I’m angry because it’s difficult to make long range plans or commitments.
I’m tired of having to prep and take a jillion precautions, just to exercise, run errands or do simple chores.
I’m angry that I can no longer work and generate a decent income like most people do.
I’m tired of being poked and prodded like some kind of lab specimen.
I’m angry about having a disease that robs me of the basic niceties of life, such as a good nights sleep or the ability to concentrate.
I’m tired of trying to convince others that exercise is actually good for you when you have asthma or other lung diseases.
I’m angry that Ive never experienced what it feels like to have normal, unlabored breathing for more than 1 or 2 days at time.
I’m tired of feeling guilty for having a medical condition I didn’t cause.
I’m angry at all the hoops I have to jump through, just to get the medical care I need to stay alive.
I’m tired of feeling like I’m always running a marathon, even when I’m sitting still.
I’m angry at the effect this disease has on the people who care about me.
I’m tired of having to hide my condition for fear I’ll be ridiculed or judged.
I’m angry that not enough attention is being focused on asthma in general, let alone severe asthma.
I’m tired of playing second fiddle to my medical condition. I’m more than my disease.
I’m angry that so many people continue to die and suffer from this horrible affliction.
I am however, hopeful that future generations will have it a little bit easier.