October has traditionally been a bad month for my asthma (and I’m sure I’m not alone on that), but this is the first time Ive been sick for most of September as well. No doubt about it… this has been a humdinger of a flare.

Ive been out of the hospital for an entire month now, and I still don’t feel like I’m any where near back to my old self. Frankly, I’m beginning to wonder if I ever will. This last exacerbation could very well have been the straw that broke the camels back. Maybe my luck has finally run out. Maybe this disease has finally caught up to me. We won’t go there just yet, but it’s a reality that I know I’m gonna have to face eventually.

Besides the physical discomfort of being constantly short of breath and just feeling worn out in general, lately I find myself getting emotionally upset over the silliest little things. It’s like all of my senses are on overload. I feel like I’m in a state of perpetual road-rage or something. I have no patience for anything or anyone. I lash out at the slightest provocation. This is not normal for me and I don’t like it.

At first I thought all this bitchiness was due to the steroids, but I haven’t been on high doses for a couple of weeks now. My doctor thinks I’m exhibiting the classic signs of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), probably caused from the intubation incident in the hospital. Whatever it is, I gotta get past it, because between my breathing problems and all this emotional turmoil, it’s making it doubly difficult for me to recover.

I just want all my friends to know that despite these difficult times, that I’m doing my best to maintain a positive outlook and that I’m trying to take things one day at a time. My blogging frequency might drop a little until I get a better handle on what’s going on with my health, but I’ll try to keep my sidebar updates current.

In the meantime, keep those Halloween guesses coming in. Only 10 days left until I announce the winner.

Oh, and Ive also been getting reports that this blog might be haunted. Has anyone seen anything peculiar on my blog lately? I think this whole Halloween thing is going to peoples heads.

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4 thoughts on “It’s been a rough couple of months

  1. mymusicallungs says:

    ….Your blog is totally haunted-love it!! You're so clever at that kind of stuff! Had to whack the mute button on my MacBook as J is asleep still, LOL!
    Anyways, you're totally doing the right thing figuring out where you're at, emotionally and physically, and not beating yourself up over it, just going with the flow.
    Sounds like your Docs may have hit the nail on the head really.
    Long tough exacerbations take forever to recover from-I know mine from 2005-6 still haunt me (sorry for the word choice). There are videos J shot which I will never watch.
    I also know how hard it is when people keep telling you how well you're doing and actually you feel such a failure. But you're not. You will recover your strength and get back out there walking and competing-this is a mighty tough time of year for us hardcore lungers without the addition of your recent mega humdinger.
    I'm right with you pal. Hugs x

  2. James says:

    Thanks for the update, Steve! Hang in there! xxx

  3. wheezytux says:

    you blog almost gave me heart failure (ok i exaggerate) when the ghost suddenly appeared and my volume was full blast with my speakers!!!

    but steve i know you are hanging in there. this time of year is tough. waether changes and all that. i used to like the cold as my chest was better in winter but i dont think anymore!

    and as i write this things keep flying across my screen i am liking it!!! had a ghost, a frankenstine hand and some bats!!!! and a witch!

    emotions always run high after bad exacerbations and the pills dont help with that either. i dont think we would be normal if we didnt get emotional after hugly stressful situations as we cant exhibt stress really during the attacks so it kinda comes after! It does kinda sound like ptsd. i hope know that it is identified things can be done to help you through it and then in turn that might help the chest a bit.

    thinking of you always x

  4. Well, at least Ive haven't lost my sense of humor eh?

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