Asthma T&A Tired and Angry

I’m tired of being stoic and putting up a strong happy front, when on the inside I’m screaming.

I’m angry because I have a type of asthma that is uncontrollable and not well understood.

I’m tired of feeling like a fish out of water all the time.

I’m angry that no matter how well I take care of myself and avoid triggers, I’m constantly sick.

I’m tired of spending a full hour or more everyday taking neb treatments, when I could be doing something more productive.

I’m angry that I can’t cry when I’m sad, yell when I’m mad or laugh when I’m happy, because doing so can throw me into bronchospasm.

I’m tired of stressing out over whether my medical insurance will cover my treatments, or if I’ll end up in the streets penniless.

I’m angry because I have to take potent medications that make me crazy and often cause more harm that good.

I’m tired of waking up with a tube shoved down my throat and a machine breathing for me.

I’m angry because it’s difficult to make long range plans or commitments.

I’m tired of having to prep and take a jillion precautions, just to exercise, run errands or do simple chores.

I’m angry that I can no longer work and generate a decent income like most people do.

I’m tired of being poked and prodded like some kind of lab specimen.

I’m angry about having a disease that robs me of the basic niceties of life, such as a good nights sleep or the ability to concentrate.

I’m tired of trying to convince others that exercise is actually good for you when you have asthma or other lung diseases.

I’m angry that Ive never experienced what it feels like to have normal, unlabored breathing for more than 1 or 2 days at time.

I’m tired of feeling guilty for having a medical condition I didn’t cause.

I’m angry at all the hoops I have to jump through, just to get the medical care I need to stay alive.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m always running a marathon, even when I’m sitting still.

I’m angry at the effect this disease has on the people who care about me.

I’m tired of having to hide my condition for fear I’ll be ridiculed or judged.

I’m angry that not enough attention is being focused on asthma in general, let alone severe asthma.

I’m tired of playing second fiddle to my medical condition. I’m more than my disease.

I’m angry that so many people continue to die and suffer from this horrible affliction.

I am however, hopeful that future generations will have it a little bit easier.

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7 thoughts on “Asthma T&A

  1. Juan Enrique Rodriguez Diaz says:

    Hi Stephen! Just finish to read your post and I was on tears. I’m 32 and I’m suffering from severe asthma symptoms everyday. Hope you get better. It is also my hope to get better.

    1. Hi Juan, Thank for the kind words. In a few weeks I will be trying a new biologic drug called Dupilumab. Im sorry to hear that you’re dealing with this disease . I wish you all the best. Stay in touch Xx

      1. Juan Enrique Rodriguez Diaz says:

        Stephen! Thanks! Please, let me know how your body reacts to this new biological drug. My doctor order blood test to know how mi IgE Is affecting my I flamation on the airways. He’s likely to put me on omizumab. Let’s see what happens.

    2. Shelley Brandy says:

      Has anyone with severe asthma tried a food elimination diet. I found my asthma flared with vinegar, sugar, soy, dairy and most grains. When I eliminate those foods my asthma is just exercised induced. A GAPS diet or auto immune diet seems to help. Just a thought!

      1. Absolutely, diet can play a role.

  2. RG says:

    Hi Stephen. Hope you’re doing a bit better now. I just got out of hospital again yesterday after another bad attack. Think it was at least attack number 30 but lost count tbh. Ended up getting adrenaline (epinephrine) shots every 5 mins for a while as well as the usual nebs, hydrocortisone and magnesium. Was a first for me but they worked amazing and tbh were probably the thing that saved me from HDU. My consultant has just started me on a med called methotrexate, it’s a cytotoxic so it’s all bit scary but need something to work cos my asthma is so brittle. Just wondering if you’ve ever tried it or heard if it being used?

  3. Kristi Kurtz says:

    Hi Stephen. I can sympathize with you about being angry. I have been lucky: I have not been in the hospital since February (thank you Nucala). I got weaned off the prednisone (late July) but this week, I started wheezing again. I’m angry. And scared. I really appreciate your blog because I know I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us!

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